Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
