she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
