Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
