All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
