This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
