Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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