This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
