I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
