I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
