I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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