i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
