She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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