Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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