If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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