made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We have started to decorate penises.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm really busy with my period
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