"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
