We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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