Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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