i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
