she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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