I need to stop coming to work sober
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
