You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
