Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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