hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
