im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
