I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
