He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
