If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
