THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
