I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
