he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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