the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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