I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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