i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
