My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
