Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
