Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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