it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
