Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
