New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
