Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
