I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He shit in the fireplace
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
