My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
