I'm lost and stupid without you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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