The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
