how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
