you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
