1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
