He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
