I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
