Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
