Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
