3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
