just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
