Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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