You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
